Cooking With Mary
by Kitty.M.Smith
Summary: Inspired by late night tumblr-ing. Sergeant Calhoun is convinced by her husband Fix-It Felix to cook with Mary so she quits pestering him each day. Her and Venellope are left alone in the kitchen and, needless to say, they should not be left alone with frosting. Rated T for cussing, and yes I am now aware I spelt Vanellope "Venellope" and apologize!


So I decided to randomly write a Wreck it Ralph one-shot fueled by no desire for sleep near 3am and a burning love for the sugary substances hidden about my room because _I'm just that healthy._

Note Sergeant Calhoun will be written as Tamora (for those who don't know Disney named her Tamora Jean Calhoun it is on their website), and Fix-it Felix will just be Felix.

Also those who can't remember, Mary is the lady who made the cake in the movie.

Anyhow, hope y'all enjoy. :)

I do not own Wreck it Ralph, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

"Oh, c'mon Tamora! _Pleeeeaaassse_?"

Felix stuck out his lower lip while looking at his wife of near three months. Sergeant Tamora Calhoun was sitting in a chair in the Nicelanders penthouse, for once out of uniform and simply wearing the silk black slacks and loose tank top programmed under it. In her hands was a half gone cup of mint coffee that had been a wedding present from Venellope.

"No Felix." She said once more, calmly sipping the tea.

"Please Tammy!" Felix sighed as Tamora continued to stare out the window at the 8-bit pixelated world that, despite the lack of high definition, was far more beautiful than the one she was programmed into.

"Felix how many times do I have to refuse before you shut your trap?" She glared at him lightly, still reluctant to do more as she was still filled with the "honey-glows" of being a newly wed.

"Tam honey I'm just gonna keep pestering you long as Mary pesters me. She wants someone to cook with besides Venellope and she thinks you'll help and she won't quit pestering me after and during work about it!" Felix crossed his arms and Tamora couldn't help but smile at that rosy cheeked little pouting face of his.

"What's wrong with shweetz?" She asked while setting the mug of her tea down on a nearby table.

"Venellope keeps eating the frosting and she thinks you'll be a good influence." Felix said.

Tamora snorted. "I've got a sweet tooth bigger than the stomach of a cy-bug Felix, I'll just eat the stuff."

"I know." Felix grinned slightly and Tamora zipped her head around to him, grinning as well.

"Why you sugar coated little demon!"

Felix blushed and bowed. "I try."

Tamora grabbed him by the collar and kissed him, rather passionately. She parted and stood, walking over the plush carpet and getting a watch she had found in the lost and found box at Tapper's. "An hour, tops." She said smiling at him.

"Oh thank you Tammy, thank y-"

Felix was interrupted by Tamora kissing him and looked up at her.

"Save it, Fix-It." She winked and then left, taking the elevator.

One thing that had always annoyed Tamora about the outdated world of Fix-It Felix was the functionality of the elevator. No matter what the thing moved in a jerky, 8-bit fashion that was the reason Tamora tended to take the stairs. While everything else wasn't very bad, especially the new additions for the programs without games and Ralph, the building drove her mad. Nearly everything was outdated besides the penthouse, the main lobby, and the kitchen. Felix couldn't fix the building itself; additions had to come from elsewhere and were rather hard to come by at the moment. Tamora had _tried _to move some of the discarded furniture and other items from her game, but the Commander wouldn't allow it, claiming they needed it incase another program went insane and destroyed theirs.

Despite her stubbornness, Tamora had bit her tongue.

The elevator finally arrived at the lobby and Tamora got off as quick as possible. The few Nicelanders that were in the lobby waved and greeted her happily. They'd first been rather afraid of Tamora, but found her to be quite pleasant to be around. Not to mention entertaining with her blunt and wry sense of humor.

Tamora made her way down one of the hallways of the complex, not needing to remember where the kitchen was, only needing to follow the delicious scent of chocolate. She _loved _chocolate, nearly as much as she loved Felix.

Not heeding the manners programmed into her she opened the door wide, met with the sparkling kitchen, the most up to date thing in the Fix-it Felix Jr. game. Everything was shining metal, brand new and pretty far as kitchens go. A red glow came from the oven and, sitting on the counter beside it, was Venellope. She'd taken off her jacket and was wearing a white and green striped shirt covered in flour, along with the rest of her clothing. Mary was mixing something beside her. Frosting.

Tamora's mouth watered.

"Hey, he got ya ta' come down!" Vanellope yelled upon noticing her, waving wildly. Mary turned around and looked relieved. "Thank goodness you're here!" She ran forward and quickly pushed Tamora to where she was mixing frosting.

"Maybe you with all your military know how can control this child!" Mary sounded exasperated as she pushed a new bowl of un-mixed frosting in front of Tamora and handed her a large spoon. "Not to mention those strong arms of yours will do some great good mixing."

Tamora blinked. "Hello Mary."

Mary looked rather flustered at her lack of manners. "I'm sorry, hello Tamora. That-that child has just been-"

"Such a wonderful pack of sweetness I've forgotten who I am?" Venellope grinned. Tamora whacked her with the spoon.

"Don't flatter yourself bon-bon." Tamora smirked while beginning to mix the frosting.

"Ah shut up blondie!" Venellope grouched, getting another hit with the spoon. Mary chuckled.

"Well Tamora, can you just mix the frosting and put it on those cupcakes while I go take care of some other things?" Mary asked while already heading to the door.

"Go ahead. Not like I have anything else to do." Tamora said.

"Wonderful! I'll be back." Mary was gone in less than 2 seconds.

Tamora snorted soon as she was gone. "That's a load of bull roar. The 8-bit excuse for a cook is just going off to have some fun with Brett."

Venellope blinked at her curiously. "What are they doin', playin' a game or something?"

Tamora stuck her finger in the frosting, twirled it around until she had a giant glob of the surgery goodness collected, and stuck it in her mouth. "Hm?"

Venellope grinned and then took a fistful from the bowl, surprised Tamora didn't stop her, instead handing her the other bowl. "I was as-"

"Oh I forgot so-Tamora! Venellope!" Mary had returned without warning and was glaring at the two with her chubby hands on her hips.

Tamora looked back at her, a ring of frosting around her lips. "Good news, the frosting doesn't have a virus." She chuckled deep in her throat as Venellope squealed happily and clapped her hands over her mouth, shaking with laughter.

"I expected better of you Tamora!"

Tamora licked her lips. "Sorry, mother."

Mary sighed and grabbed a small handbag from the counter and checked on the cake. "No more frosting." Then she left.

Tamora dipped two fingers in and licked them. "Anyway, what were you jabbering about?" She looked to the giggling Venellope, who wiped her face with her jacket.

"I was asking what her and Brett are doin'."

Tamora blinked. "Your sailing over head sugar shoes."

"You said Mary wasn't going to be doing any work, that she was gonna have fun with Brett. Do ya know what game they're playing?" Venellope began mixing her own bowl of frosting as Tamora choked on the mouthful she'd nearly swallowed.

"Oh, um, yeah a game." Tamora nodded some while going to the sink and getting some water, not bothering with a glass and drinking straight from the faucet.

"Do ya know what game?" Venellope licked her spoon and then looked to the side and grabbed a bowl of red sprinkles and dumbed the entire thing into her frosting.

"Uh...yeah...tag." Tamora wished she could glitch herself out of the room like Venellope could. She could tell soldiers they may never see their families again, scream until her throat was numb at some idiot stepping out of line, shoot a cy-bug without a blink of an eye and spend all day making her way up to a mountain. She could do all this and more. Talk to a child about sex? She'd rather get a virus.

"I wanna play tag!" Venellope furrowed her brow in annoyance and slapped the counter with her hand. "We got ripped off!"

Tamora came back over and began eating frosting again to calm herself, adding sprinkles and chocolate sauce as she did. "Nah, we got sugar."

"I live in sugar!" Venellope yelled.

"Hush up pint-size, I don't."

Venellope huffed. "You can just come through Sugar Rush!"

"Not with the Commander breathing down my neck all the damn day!" She barked. Venellope was so shocked she dropped her spoon.

"You said a bad word!" She gasped while covering her mouth. Tamora rolled her eyes.

"Don't look like some wide mouthed frog soldier!"

Venellope's mouth snapped shut and she put her arms to her sides. "Why did you say a bad word?

Tamora breathed, glad to be on a different subject. "Because I can."

"Can I?" Venellope questioned while eating yet more fistfuls of frosting. If she didn't originate from Sugar Rush, she'd be bouncing off the walls. Tamora herself was feeling rather peppy already, lifting herself up and down on her toes.

"Go for it." Tamora licked her fingers again, adding many creative sprinkles and flavors to her frosting.

"Hmm...shat!" Venellope grinned while Tamora laughed.

"I think you mean shit shweetz." She said.

"Isn't shat a bad word?"

"Not really, it's an abbreviation of it. Kids say it around their parents so they can get away with 'cussing', but it isn't a real cuss word. Now, if you want to cuss properly you can't use any of those abbreviations."

Venellope nodded. "Ok, I gotcha blondie. Now can ya give me a list?" She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, casually licking the frosting from a spoon.

Tamora leaned against the counter, ate an entire spoonful of frosting, belched-which got a good laugh out of Venellope- and then put the bowl down and began counting on her fingers.

"Hell, damn, shit, bitch, f-"

"SERGEANT CALHOUN!"

Tamora jumped and looked to the doorway, seeing Mary with Felix and Ralph. Ralph looked impressed, Felix looked blank, and Mary looked like she just witnessed a murder, or seen someone cheat her at Monopoly.

"Teaching a CHILD those sort of words!" Mary exclaimed in disgust, walking forward and ripping the frosting from the both of them. "AND eating the frosting! I invited you down here because I thought you'd be a good influence, a responsible adult! What have you to say for yourself?"

Tamora licked the remains of the frosting on her fingers and set the spoon to the side. "Well damn, ya caught me."

Mary huffed and shook her head, looking at Venellope. "You. Out. Back to Sugar Rush."

"Yes ma'am Miss Grumpy Pants sir!" Venellope jumped of the counter and mock saluted Mary before glitching out of the room, giving Ralph a discreet high five on the way out.

Mary muttered and shook her head while taking the cake out of the oven. "That's it, you and Venellope are never allowed to cook with me ever again!"

"We didn't even cook hot-shot" Tamora thought, but put on an obviously fake look of disappointment and stamped her foot and snapped. "Aw, shucks!"

Ralph snorted and walked away while Felix looked like he really was unhappy with her, arms crossed and brow furrowed with his lips turned in a disappointed frown. Tamora looked at him and pretended to look a bit ashamed, though she was beaming underneath.

"Felix you and your wife are welcome to _leave_, and she never come back." Mary said indigently while getting out new ingredients to make more frosting.

"Yes'm. C'mon Tamora." Felix put on a disaplenary tone like you would with a child, pointing out the door. Tamora only looked down and walked out, sneaking a bowl of frosting with her. Soon as they were out of the room Tamora scooped Felix up and kissed him.

"That was a great idea, fix-it." She grinned.

"You taste sweeter than usual." Felix said in a very flirty fashion as he was set down by Tamora. She snatched his hat from him and ran to the elevator, putting it on and shoving some frosting into her mouth. He grinned and chased her, getting in just before the elevator doors closed on him.

"I'm guessing I near gave you diabetes." Tamora said teasingly. Felix chuckled.

"Nah, just a case o' the honeyglows."

She smirked. "Sounds sweet enough to be deadly."

"Oh, they're sumthin' awful, them sweet honeyglows."

* * *

Yeah this ending sucks a lot, I know. I kinda killed it near the end and honestly had some trouble making Calhoun a smartass without making her too much of Captain Amelia from Treasure Planet (my usual smart ass of whom I write). Anyhow, hope you enjoyed! Rate and review!


End file.
